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Old 08-29-2008, 11:43 AM
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Marine4Life Marine4Life is offline
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Default Spouse Advise Requested

I have a question that I would like to ask but I'll tell you why first.
Since last October, I've been talking to the Marine Corps Officer Selection Officer for Tennessee and its been a very long process. My wife initially was all for it. I have a few waivers to clear now because we're married now, we have kids, and some other issues(as some of you know). Now she says she cant be a military wife but she's never been one before. Plus she cant tell me why. My biggest problem is that at one point early in the relationship, she was actually going to enlist in the Army and I backed her 100%. I've always backed her in whatever she wanted to do whether I thought it was a good idea or not. I've tried talking to her and even asked my OSO which Officer MOS's rarely deploy and if so, wherecan my family go too. I also asked about any resources that spouses can take advantage of. Anyway, my question is what are some things I can tell my wife about military life from a spouse's point of view? I need advice because I have a good shot at this and its always been a dream of mine and I can't tell her about something I dont know about. Armygirl, Fireball...chime in.
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  #2  
Old 08-29-2008, 09:06 PM
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Armygirl4Ever Armygirl4Ever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marine4Life View Post
I have a question that I would like to ask but I'll tell you why first.
Since last October, I've been talking to the Marine Corps Officer Selection Officer for Tennessee and its been a very long process. My wife initially was all for it. I have a few waivers to clear now because we're married now, we have kids, and some other issues(as some of you know). Now she says she cant be a military wife but she's never been one before. Plus she cant tell me why. My biggest problem is that at one point early in the relationship, she was actually going to enlist in the Army and I backed her 100%. I've always backed her in whatever she wanted to do whether I thought it was a good idea or not. I've tried talking to her and even asked my OSO which Officer MOS's rarely deploy and if so, wherecan my family go too. I also asked about any resources that spouses can take advantage of. Anyway, my question is what are some things I can tell my wife about military life from a spouse's point of view? I need advice because I have a good shot at this and its always been a dream of mine and I can't tell her about something I dont know about. Armygirl, Fireball...chime in.
Well two things first off..

1. I have a very different perspective than most military wives because I've served in the military myself and have been deployed thus giving me a different mentality.

2. Different branches offer different programs for their spouses, my experience is purely Army..so I'm only familiar with the programs we offer for our spouses.

That being said, here's the advice I offer.

You can't say, look, others are doing it, so can you. I don't know her background or your background for that matter. I think we went down this road already on one of your previous posts but if she's not talking to you and telling you why she is against it, there really isn't much we can say. Strangers on a forum aren't going to offer her much insight, we're strangers.

It might be the "unknown" that is getting to her. Maybe all the irrational fears getting the best of her. War sucks, deployment sucks but it's life...military life. You have to learn how to deal with it. You have kids...ok..so do I. Three of them who have known no different lifestyle and you know what, they are pretty decent kids, I think the Army lifestyle has been a good thing for them. Some military families merely survive and others thrive in this lifestyle. What is the deciding factor in that? Each individual. If you went in and your wife was against it and becomes bitter and resentful, I can tell you that it might take a long time to change her attitude if it changes at all.

Here's my final advice..while I respect your decision to want to serve, I would caution signing those papers without your wife's support. The military lifestyle is stressful enough with that added pressure of knowing your spouse resents your career choice. On the flipside of that, it's important that you sit down and express to her why this is important to you because she could find herself on the other end of resentment. Does she want you to resent her if you don't go in. There has to be a compromise and no one on this forum can make that for you. I can't give you some wonderful advice that is going to magically make her want this as much as you.

I hope that you guys can come to an agreement you both can live with.
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  #3  
Old 09-02-2008, 06:35 AM
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Marine4Life Marine4Life is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Armygirl4Ever View Post
Well two things first off..

1. I have a very different perspective than most military wives because I've served in the military myself and have been deployed thus giving me a different mentality.

2. Different branches offer different programs for their spouses, my experience is purely Army..so I'm only familiar with the programs we offer for our spouses.

That being said, here's the advice I offer.

You can't say, look, others are doing it, so can you. I don't know her background or your background for that matter. I think we went down this road already on one of your previous posts but if she's not talking to you and telling you why she is against it, there really isn't much we can say. Strangers on a forum aren't going to offer her much insight, we're strangers.

It might be the "unknown" that is getting to her. Maybe all the irrational fears getting the best of her. War sucks, deployment sucks but it's life...military life. You have to learn how to deal with it. You have kids...ok..so do I. Three of them who have known no different lifestyle and you know what, they are pretty decent kids, I think the Army lifestyle has been a good thing for them. Some military families merely survive and others thrive in this lifestyle. What is the deciding factor in that? Each individual. If you went in and your wife was against it and becomes bitter and resentful, I can tell you that it might take a long time to change her attitude if it changes at all.

Here's my final advice..while I respect your decision to want to serve, I would caution signing those papers without your wife's support. The military lifestyle is stressful enough with that added pressure of knowing your spouse resents your career choice. On the flipside of that, it's important that you sit down and express to her why this is important to you because she could find herself on the other end of resentment. Does she want you to resent her if you don't go in. There has to be a compromise and no one on this forum can make that for you. I can't give you some wonderful advice that is going to magically make her want this as much as you.

I hope that you guys can come to an agreement you both can live with.
Good stuff AG. Thanks.
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  #4  
Old 04-11-2009, 11:49 AM
reiss2 reiss2 is offline
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My husband and I actually just went through this! My husband is reenlisting the first time we were not married nor had kids or had to deal with deployments but now we have a daughter so when he wanted to reenlist I was scared that one day he would get sent on a deployment and that I would be left at home alone 1,000 miles from family and friends and that maybe one day I would have a chaplin knocking on my door and that our daughter would not have a daddy anymore so your wife is probably thinking the same things I am so proud one second to say my husband is a soldier but on the other hand I am scared to death but talking to other military wives is soooo helpful as the other one said theres tons of us doing this every day theres tons of support systems for military families and mrs obama is working on making it easier on military familes so things are only going to get better the fear will never go away for your wife and you must be understanding to that but she also must be understanding that you want to serve your country and back you 100% no matter how hard it is for her kids adapt to it my daughter is so proud of her daddy serving his country she went to school bragging that she had to move because "uncle sam called" lol but reassure your wife that you will be fine and theres plenty of us military wives for her to talk to and make friends with and we are going threw the same thing she is!

Good Luck,
The Reiss Family
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  #5  
Old 05-16-2009, 06:09 PM
maxx904 maxx904 is offline
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Default I hope this helps.

I will tell you from an Army husband point of view. I have been married to my wife for 15 years and we have 2 boys. When she decided to join the National Guard at 39, I supported her. Not for her choice to serve her country, but Just for her. I could have been selfish and said "No Way",because of my own needs or worries, but I didn`t. She has always supported me in my choices and believed in me more then I did myself, so I must be willing to do the same. Sometimes change scares people. Leaving family behind has always been her biggest concern. I say life is what you make of it, together. Many years from now, when we are old and our kids are grown living their lives, all you will have is each other. You would not want your moments to be filled with regrets and resentments from this. From her keeping you from your dreams or you letting her keep you from them. Tell her to just think of it as an adventure you will take together. A new chapter in your lives. Just think of the positive things and it will all work out in the end.
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