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  #1  
Old 06-23-2008, 08:43 PM
Sdkaren Sdkaren is offline
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Default any other moms experience this?

My son is home doing his hometown recruiting and taking his leave and I am experiencing some pretty high emotions, some of which I didn't expect. Seeing him in his uniform is a constant reminder that he's really in the army, really going to leave again and really going to deploy. Especially hard when I know the unit he's in is going to deploy soon. I feel like I don't want to let him out of my sight and in a way I feel like I'm so worried and sad about him leaving that I'm not enjoying the time he is here. It's very frustrating because I cry at the drop of a hat and I feel so on edge and I'm kind of walking around in a fog, very strange.
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  #2  
Old 06-23-2008, 08:48 PM
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jrj1000 jrj1000 is offline
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Im not a mother....but my mom my had the same sort of feelings with me....she said she wanted to stick to me like glue....

Im sure your feelings are very normal....and very healthy i might add

best wishes Sdkaren.......jrj1000
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  #3  
Old 06-23-2008, 09:35 PM
Txmom42 Txmom42 is offline
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Originally Posted by Sdkaren View Post
My son is home doing his hometown recruiting and taking his leave and I am experiencing some pretty high emotions, some of which I didn't expect. Seeing him in his uniform is a constant reminder that he's really in the army, really going to leave again and really going to deploy. Especially hard when I know the unit he's in is going to deploy soon. I feel like I don't want to let him out of my sight and in a way I feel like I'm so worried and sad about him leaving that I'm not enjoying the time he is here. It's very frustrating because I cry at the drop of a hat and I feel so on edge and I'm kind of walking around in a fog, very strange.
Yes I did feel clingy. Before he deployed I wanted to talk to him and hear from him every chance he got. I would leave texts and e-mails every day. This whole time, he was pulling away. A natural defense mechanism I guess. He actually told me I had to wean myself and was only allowed one message every 3 days. In return I got a phone call in reply. It drove me crazy. Why not talk while you can???? I had so many questions and instructions!!! He was just preparing me for not hearing from him for days in a row. Which, I might add, it's not the same when you know they are in harm's way. I did get at least one e-mail a week and most times more than that (especially if he was putting together a wish list for a care package).

Hang in there. I won't say it gets easier, just different. Believe it or not, I think I cried more when I knew he was coming home than I did when he left. I took one day off when he left for basic and when he deployed, just to cry. I should have taken a whole week when he came back. It will be OK!
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  #4  
Old 06-23-2008, 10:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sdkaren View Post
My son is home doing his hometown recruiting and taking his leave and I am experiencing some pretty high emotions, some of which I didn't expect. Seeing him in his uniform is a constant reminder that he's really in the army, really going to leave again and really going to deploy. Especially hard when I know the unit he's in is going to deploy soon. I feel like I don't want to let him out of my sight and in a way I feel like I'm so worried and sad about him leaving that I'm not enjoying the time he is here. It's very frustrating because I cry at the drop of a hat and I feel so on edge and I'm kind of walking around in a fog, very strange.
I am sure there is a range of normal with these feelings. i will say I have been in experiences with my husband where after his mom would "cling" or "cry" - that he would leave her side and share how much he HATED how "dramatic" she was... it actually has hurt their relationship. From my hubby's point of view - he trusts in his training and for her to act like he's never coming back (which is how her response makes him feel) really makes him irritated. He understands the worry... but he wishes she would go work those feelings out with someone before she approaches him about things. He said it just makes things awkward.

Another friend of mine has her mother-in-law calling several times a day to get updates on her son who left a week ago. She said it is extremely stressful to have so many calls. She said that her husband even had a talk with his mom - about how there would be some things he can't disclose and that she would have to understand and that THEY would keep HER posted. Despite this, my friend has told her several times that she will update her when she hears from him. However, she just can't wait . It is really creating friction and negative feelings in their relationship.

My advice is to talk to a counselor/therapist. Someone who can help you understand and see a different perspective that can bring more patience and understanding when dealing with this new venture. Help you with more positive coping mechs, and can focus on continuing to build a relationship with your son vs. stressing it out.

If a Soldier must learn to control their feelings and sort them out - so should their family.
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  #5  
Old 06-24-2008, 05:18 AM
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I'm not a Mom either but I can still relate. Once my son came home on leave things were just as they had been before he enlisted. Mind you my wife is a veteran Army wife so she could hide her emotions well to my son.

When we both felt a hollowness was after my son got back to Benning & he'd call us a few times. Eventually we'd call him only to find his cell phone service discontinued. Then we knew he was on his way overseas directly to a combat area.
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  #6  
Old 06-24-2008, 12:25 PM
Txmom42 Txmom42 is offline
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Originally Posted by Fireball View Post
I am sure there is a range of normal with these feelings. i will say I have been in experiences with my husband where after his mom would "cling" or "cry" - that he would leave her side and share how much he HATED how "dramatic" she was... it actually has hurt their relationship. From my hubby's point of view - he trusts in his training and for her to act like he's never coming back (which is how her response makes him feel) really makes him irritated. He understands the worry... but he wishes she would go work those feelings out with someone before she approaches him about things. He said it just makes things awkward.

Another friend of mine has her mother-in-law calling several times a day to get updates on her son who left a week ago. She said it is extremely stressful to have so many calls. She said that her husband even had a talk with his mom - about how there would be some things he can't disclose and that she would have to understand and that THEY would keep HER posted. Despite this, my friend has told her several times that she will update her when she hears from him. However, she just can't wait . It is really creating friction and negative feelings in their relationship.

My advice is to talk to a counselor/therapist. Someone who can help you understand and see a different perspective that can bring more patience and understanding when dealing with this new venture. Help you with more positive coping mechs, and can focus on continuing to build a relationship with your son vs. stressing it out.

If a Soldier must learn to control their feelings and sort them out - so should their family.
OH yeah! Never in front of him. I always go someplace and collect myself because I know he hates it. I try to keep my emotions in my car ( if I am just sitting in it my kids know to leave me alone). I go out to cry, or if I am frustrated or angry I just go out and yell the "f" word a few times to relieve my stress. Thank goodness we don't have nosy neighbors.

Bottom line, I didn't want him to worry about me, just as much as he didn't want me to worry about him. I just thought we should talk while it was free!
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Old 06-24-2008, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Txmom42 View Post
OH yeah! Never in front of him. I always go someplace and collect myself because I know he hates it. I try to keep my emotions in my car ( if I am just sitting in it my kids know to leave me alone). I go out to cry, or if I am frustrated or angry I just go out and yell the "f" word a few times to relieve my stress. Thank goodness we don't have nosy neighbors.

Bottom line, I didn't want him to worry about me, just as much as he didn't want me to worry about him. I just thought we should talk while it was free!
I hope you know that wasn't for you but the original poster. LOL

My thing is... shed tears with a smile on your face... but no sobbing endlessly on their shoulders/moaning through the tears/ or bits hysteria "I raised you to be safe for 18 years!!! AND YOU JOIN THE ARMY....WAWaaaaa".

All of us know the risks... so my deal is that you don't focus on the risk - you focus on the honor and growth that comes from the experience as a whole. Acknowledge the risks... if RISK becomes the focus and you can't function in your daily life because it shades all the good things that your loved one is doing... then you need to get with someone that can help one deal with those stressers and find ways of change. To me, that is the beginning of anxiety attacks and you can't be as supportive with that type of mentality.

Even me, as hard core as I am - we deal with everything in humor and smiling tears. lol There are many tender moments and being cold and emotionless would be dumb... it is good for our men/women to see our emotion... for them to know and feel of our love. A smile does wonders when tears are shed. Somehow it softens the blow.

Of course, this is my opinion and what works well for us.
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  #8  
Old 06-25-2008, 01:35 AM
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jrj1000 jrj1000 is offline
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Good point Fireball about knowing the risks .....but not focusing on them....it has to be that way for sanity sake
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  #9  
Old 06-25-2008, 06:33 AM
mtomom mtomom is offline
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If there is one thing that I have learned with my son being in the army, is that no matter how you feel you can let them is you feel it. When he left for BCT I cryed when he left... I cryed when we bought him home after he finished it. When he left for AIT it wasn't that bad. When he came home for hometown, it was good to see him everyday, but I sometimes wish he wouldn't have done it. I would have been more ready for him being gone.

He left two weeks ago. I have talked to him a few times and I have seen him on the webcam but now he is telling me it will be 15 days before I hear from him again. So now i turn off my webcam before we finish talking so he does not see me with watery eyes and I just tell him had to plug something else in.

He will be fine and so will you. I am so thankful for the people on this site tht has helped me get this far. Hell Yea I sill cry but nobody sees me do it and it don't last long. I am sure I will be one of those mom's that will cry harder when he comes home then I did when he left. But it will be ok... Because he will be here!!!
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  #10  
Old 06-25-2008, 09:50 AM
Sdkaren Sdkaren is offline
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thanks for all the good advice, it really helps to know we aren't alone in this. I guess I'm handling things better than I realized after your stories, fireball, lol. I have kept the emotions under wrap around my son and each day has gotten a bit easier. I think some of this emotion was fueled by the fact he finally got to see his daughter for the first time when he got home and his ex put all of us through some serious drama for the three afternoons she allowed him to see her. But that's another story and is now a waiting game with custody and divorce proceedings underway. anyway, thanks again for all the good advice!
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