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  #1  
Old 05-18-2009, 10:03 AM
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68Whiskey 68Whiskey is offline
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Location: Coral Springs, Florida
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Default Need Help With The Family

This last month has become increasingly difficult. My relationship with my entire family has gone downhill and I'm wondering if I should even talk to them anymore once I'm in the Army doing my thing. Last night, my mother told me that even my grandparents want nothing to do with me. And as far as my mother, she thinks I'm being selfish for enlisting. She's worried about paying the rent on her own and actually living alone for the first time in her life. But with the recent outburst of hateful comments makes me extremely angry and I feel that separating myself from my family would be the best thing for me. I even had my mother as the beneficiary on my life insurance policy and I plan on taking her off of that.

If anyone has gone through anything like this please give me some advice.
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  #2  
Old 05-18-2009, 10:10 AM
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missinhim missinhim is offline
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Originally Posted by 68Whiskey View Post
This last month has become increasingly difficult. My relationship with my entire family has gone downhill and I'm wondering if I should even talk to them anymore once I'm in the Army doing my thing. Last night, my mother told me that even my grandparents want nothing to do with me. And as far as my mother, she thinks I'm being selfish for enlisting. She's worried about paying the rent on her own and actually living alone for the first time in her life. But with the recent outburst of hateful comments makes me extremely angry and I feel that separating myself from my family would be the best thing for me. I even had my mother as the beneficiary on my life insurance policy and I plan on taking her off of that.

If anyone has gone through anything like this please give me some advice.
Oh my wow that's harsh sorry buddy that's pretty bad that you feel that way
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  #3  
Old 05-18-2009, 10:16 AM
Soldier gf Soldier gf is offline
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Originally Posted by 68Whiskey View Post
This last month has become increasingly difficult. My relationship with my entire family has gone downhill and I'm wondering if I should even talk to them anymore once I'm in the Army doing my thing. Last night, my mother told me that even my grandparents want nothing to do with me. And as far as my mother, she thinks I'm being selfish for enlisting. She's worried about paying the rent on her own and actually living alone for the first time in her life. But with the recent outburst of hateful comments makes me extremely angry and I feel that separating myself from my family would be the best thing for me. I even had my mother as the beneficiary on my life insurance policy and I plan on taking her off of that.

If anyone has gone through anything like this please give me some advice.
An ex of mine went through something similar with his family when he joined the marines. It didn't get as bad as what you are going through, but what he did was continued to talk to them--explained to them why he joined, why he chose that particular job etc. Even when they didn't listen, he still talked. The worst thing you can do is separate yourself from your family--that would be selfish. Your mother (and entire family) are scared for you--while you are out there doing who knows what (b/c we aren't allowed to know specifics about your job...which leaves the mind to wander...) they are going to be worrying if you are safe or not. Worrying about how you are living. When will be the next time they hear from you--will this be the last time? When you leave, will that be the last time they see you? How long until they know you are safe at home again? What are they to do while you are gone? What if something happens to them and they need you? You won't be there to help them. Whatever you do, do not separate yourself from them. Comfort them, tell them everything about why you want to do this, what you will be doing....just don't ignore them...

i understand that this is the LAST thing you need right now, when you have so much on your mind already with preparing for the military...but you don't want to leave with your relationship with your family a mess. Keep trying, keep trying to understand how they are feeling and keep trying to get them to understand your decision.
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  #4  
Old 05-18-2009, 10:54 AM
StrawberryShortcake StrawberryShortcake is offline
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Don't cut them off. People sometimes act badly when they hear about their lifestyle changing, especially when it's something as major as a child joining the Army. Your mom will see the error of her ways once you've been gone training or whatever for a while.
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  #5  
Old 05-18-2009, 11:04 AM
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Tell them if they don't support you in an effort to improve yourself and quality of life, then they can kiss or suck few choice areas of your anatomy.
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  #6  
Old 05-18-2009, 11:52 AM
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68Whiskey 68Whiskey is offline
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Tell them if they don't support you in an effort to improve yourself and quality of life, then they can kiss or suck few choice areas of your anatomy.
LMAO I said something along the lines of that J. See I find it funny that I'm the "black sheep" of the family. Out of my grandparent's grandchildren, I'm the only one to graduate high school thus far (1 out of 6 kids). I even graduated with a 3.0 GPA which shocked me. My mom is on this whole "You don't do anything, you're not working, blah blah blah" when I payed the mortgage on our old house for 2 years (I was 18). She decided to take a break during those years and drank herself into a stupor and even landed herself in the hospital with schlerosis of the liver. So is it wrong that I'm taking a break now? Is it my fault the economy sucks and I can't find a job? I don't know what to do with them anymore. I haven't told my mother one of the main reasons I enlisted, and that was to get away from her drunk ***. Imagine having to be the parent since you were 13 years old. Parents too drunk to even function. How am I supposed to forget all that? In my opinion, it would be better for me to forget about my family, I don't need any toxic relationships in my life. Sure forgetting them would be selfish on my part, but in the real world the only person who can take care of you, is you.
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  #7  
Old 05-18-2009, 12:00 PM
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JBizo JBizo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 68Whiskey View Post
LMAO I said something along the lines of that J. See I find it funny that I'm the "black sheep" of the family. Out of my grandparent's grandchildren, I'm the only one to graduate high school thus far (1 out of 6 kids). I even graduated with a 3.0 GPA which shocked me. My mom is on this whole "You don't do anything, you're not working, blah blah blah" when I payed the mortgage on our old house for 2 years (I was 18). She decided to take a break during those years and drank herself into a stupor and even landed herself in the hospital with schlerosis of the liver. So is it wrong that I'm taking a break now? Is it my fault the economy sucks and I can't find a job? I don't know what to do with them anymore. I haven't told my mother one of the main reasons I enlisted, and that was to get away from her drunk ***. Imagine having to be the parent since you were 13 years old. Parents too drunk to even function. How am I supposed to forget all that? In my opinion, it would be better for me to forget about my family, I don't need any toxic relationships in my life. Sure forgetting them would be selfish on my part, but in the real world the only person who can take care of you, is you.

Well there is a time and a place to be a little selfish. Sounds to me like that time is now and that place is in the Army. If your mother is scared to live on her own, forcing her to do so will only make her a stronger better person, or on the other hand...she might continue to drink herself into a coma...but thats no different than now.

It sounds like your family is putting way too much pressure on you because they are afraid of doing anything for themselves. I had a similar situation with my father when I moved out...he wasn't worried about me or anything, he was just mad that he didn't have someone there to do everything for him anymore. he was more concerned about who was going to cut the grass than where I was gonna be living. So, instead of trying to support me, he gave me every reason I would fail and every minute thing I should worry and stress about...hoping that I would feel overwhelmed and come back home. He didn't know how strong I was.

I still stand by my first post...tell them where to put their lips and which way to twirl on their thumbs.

I wouldn't cut them off completely tho...how else are you gonna rub it in their faces when you end up successful?
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Ship Date: 20090610
MOS: 25N - Nodal Network Systems Op./Maintainer
BCT/AIT: Ft. Knox, KY/Ft. Gordon, GA
"Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win." -Sun Tzu
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  #8  
Old 05-18-2009, 12:02 PM
Soldier gf Soldier gf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 68Whiskey View Post
LMAO I said something along the lines of that J. See I find it funny that I'm the "black sheep" of the family. Out of my grandparent's grandchildren, I'm the only one to graduate high school thus far (1 out of 6 kids). I even graduated with a 3.0 GPA which shocked me. My mom is on this whole "You don't do anything, you're not working, blah blah blah" when I payed the mortgage on our old house for 2 years (I was 18). She decided to take a break during those years and drank herself into a stupor and even landed herself in the hospital with schlerosis of the liver. So is it wrong that I'm taking a break now? Is it my fault the economy sucks and I can't find a job? I don't know what to do with them anymore. I haven't told my mother one of the main reasons I enlisted, and that was to get away from her drunk ***. Imagine having to be the parent since you were 13 years old. Parents too drunk to even function. How am I supposed to forget all that? In my opinion, it would be better for me to forget about my family, I don't need any toxic relationships in my life. Sure forgetting them would be selfish on my part, but in the real world the only person who can take care of you, is you.
Okay...now i understand where you are coming from...that does suck, and i see that getting away from them IS probably best right now. I guess what i would do if I was in your shoes would be to write a letter to each and every family member, and tell them what you just told us. Don't give them the letters until you leave. Let them come to you if they do--if they finally see why you have to do this. If they don't, well at least you told them and got it out in the open.
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